There’s this really weird look I get when I tell people I’m still friends with my ex and we co parent really well. It’s a bit like a deer in headlights or that I’m about to say “JUST KIDDING” and walk away. Yes, some people co parents. It’s actually the truth. We are truly some kick ass co parents and I’m proud to say that.
Without ruining the happy tone of this blog, we didn’t work out as a romantic relationship, but we have an amazing child together whom we both love SO MUCH! So we work at co parenting every day to give Cash the best we can give him in our separated situation.
Co Parenting Isn’t easy but It’s Worth It…
Kids are a commitment from the second you find out you’re having one. No matter how old they get, they will always be your child, they will always be your #1 commitment. Being a parent to your child isn’t contingent on your romantic relationship. It’s a forever commitment, through the good times and the bad times. No matter what happens in the world, they will always be your baby.
That mindset is what keeps my BD (Baby Daddy) and I on good terms. We put our son above silly things like pride and jealousy. Cash deserves both his parents in his life, he doesn’t need to worry who he’ll invite to major holidays and birthdays, and he’ll never have to wonder the “why’s.” He’ll get to live like a child who is loved unconditionally and have so many memories with both mom + dad
I’m Always Getting Asked, “How Do You Do It?”
It wasn’t easy at first and I know there will still be plenty of bumps in the road – new relationships, possibility of one of us having more children, job changes, moves, schools, etc. It’s a tough road ahead of us but any great parent knows, you would go to the end of the world and back for your kids. It’s important not to get hung up on the emotions of parenting and to take a couple steps back when things get heated. It’s also important to compliment the other parent on the things they’re doing well and respect their parenting as well.
Keeping Consistency In Both Houses
Consistency is key to a successful co parenting relationship. Basic structural elements need to be the same, like sleep schedule, discipline, education, etc. A consistent schedule will help your child transition easier from house to house. When the children know what to expect from each day, they can find peace in that. Children shouldn’t be stressing over their day – we have plenty of time to stress when we’re adults. We all do the sticker charts to reinforce positive behavior and Cash loves it. However, there are times when two people can’t keep a similar schedule and while that’s awful for the child’s well-being, you should probably consider parallel parenting. Parallel parenting is where you both do your own thing. It’s not toxic, but it’s when two people can’t come together for the child and parent together so they do it separately.
Anywho, this is how we make it work:
- “Serious” talks are NOT in front of the children. EVER.
- No bad mouthing the other parent. It’s fine to talk objectively and express how you’re feeling to those close to you but the world doesn’t need to know your baby momma drama so SHUSHH
- Keep a consistent-ish schedule. Things come up so be able to go with the flow sometimes. Consistency is good but the ability to work together is better.
- Repeat details of pick ups, drop offs, schedule changes, etc. Texting is a God send. There is literally never an excuse for miscommunication.
- A shared iCal. Seriously. We share a calendar of all family activities and work schedules that syncs to the others phone. Genius.
- Instead of calling your child’s dad an “ex”, call them your child’s father. “Ex” holds such negative meaning while the latter is more of a positive tone.
- Treat your partner parent with the same RESPECT you wish to receive.
- Never give up. Do everything with a kind heart.